BLACK

in midst of blues and fears.. i completely forgot abt the 'BLACK'. Yup, the movie.. after a loooooong time.. a real good stuff from the bolly box.. a must watch...no more words to describe this masterpiece.. yup.. loved it to the core and started valuing more this gift called life.. i hope u guys do.

The Power of Fear

when i woke up in the morning.. i felt myself heavy.. a ton weight over my head.. i could feel something's wrong with my health today.. i touched my forehead then realised that i am having fever.. not the heavy one tho.. but felt like i just need to catch some sleep... gulp some tabs and just forget the world and lie on bed.. but the thought was shattered when it stuck to me that i need to be in office.. and on top of which i have a imp meet at 11.. which i defnetly cant miss out... and me staying at home was just shot down... i would rather say.. it was the fear for me that if i dont go to off.. i might end up getting a bad label or even worse.. i might loose the job coz i am just few weeks old there.. and i cant afford to loose out on these... so no matter what i have to be in off.. so this fear actually drove me out of the bed... and i wasnt in normal speed in getting ready.. coz it was too tough for me and took my own sweet time and finally moved myself out of the home..

well.. my point here is.. how much we r afraid of things in life.. how much we r afraid of our very own life.. i think no matter how matter how strong or how best our attitude is.. but still fear is the ultimate one which rules us.. if i dont like something at off.. the fear of getting scolded over for tht.. if u have a suggestion or idea.. u still fear for the sheer embarassment if tht gets shot down in front of all..i guess we can end uphaving a huge list of fearful stuffs... yup ppl have different tastes.. diff way of living... but still for one thing or the other we do fear...

i dont know how correct i am here.. but i am very much sure that fear is one which rules us without our knowledge.

Monday Blue's

today i am quite low.. i kinda feel that i am just an total fukd up guy.. and i wonder.,. i wonder how things r goin.. where do i stand.. and most imporantly what do i do now.. i dont know.. i have this weird feeling in me saying again and again that i am a looser.. i try to turn that feeling down.. and step over it and say .. no this is momentary.. its all in the part of the game.. but after a while the same feeling of a looser strikes me like a jolt.. and i sulk. so much that i can feel the core of the earth like..( Grrrrrrr)..
sri has finalised on goin abroad.. nothing seems to stop her.. and the least i can do is.. supress my feelings for her.. and encourage her to do what the best she needs in her life.. rather thn just buggin her how much care and love for her.. and for tht she needs to stay with me.. felt like i am a stupid... and on top of tht had a fight at my home while just before leavin to office.. man.. what a way to start a monday morning.. and now i understand the real meanign of "Monday Blues".. and add to these... now having some error with my s/w here..
well.. i guess this is how the life works.. this is how things r suppose to work.. but the question is how am i suppose to deal with it.. do i just sitback and wait for things to roll out themselves.. or do i take some action on these.. i rather choose the first one.. coz the second one seems to give no output as desired...then i feel again.. am i not suppose to face these problems head on with it and solve these issues surrounding me.. its my life.. and i have the right to do.. but right now.. i am just trumbling down the rabbit hole.. no clue how deep is the rabbit hole..just sulking deeper and deeper in these thoughts...
"jab soch zyada ho jaatha hai.. tho faisla kamzor pad jaatha hai"

The Return of the King

Naaah... not me.. i am talking abt LOTR final part in the trilogy.

Anyway, after a loooooooooooooooong time i am bac here. Feels good, at the same time feels a bit sad that wasnt able to be regular out here. I love to share and write out my feelings out here.. but sadly was too much happy or too much sad that didnt feel to do anything.. and I guess its our nature.. when we r very happy or very low we never feel to do things.. we just wish things to just keep happening on their own despite the outcome. So, me was also in the similar situation.. I could say a lot more.. sri came down here to see me.. the most happiest time of my life i could say... felt that I am in a fantasy world where the sky is clear.. birds chirping.. midst of nature.. huge mountains.. we both like a tiny ants in the palm of mother nature...the cool breeze... the warmth of sri's hug.. in one word.. my dream land.. but as the saying goes... all good things must come to an end..so did this short trip to my dream land too came to a halt..and i hope its for a little while..all I can do is.. just wish to god that things fall bac on track.. my folks understand and bless us.. and a lot more.. where at the end i can see both my loved one's happy...

anyway... thats gonna take some time.. and things defently need their own sweet time to get sorted out.. and i am not angry or upset.. coz for sure i know that this is life.. and this is how it is suppose to be .. and is this how i am suppose to deal with it.. or may be better than what i am doin now.. all i am doin is givin the best shot i can.. rest is upto the lord..

then this is one of the major events to unfold during jan.. and apart from these.. a major turn in my career too.. in the begining wasnt much sure of to go ahead.. but then realised life is full of rosks.. in life.. biggest risk is of not taking any risk at all.. so thought to go ahead with this and only time can proove wether i hav taken the right step towards my goal.. coz i am saying this out of exp.. coz it so happens that we think we r done right.. or for that matter.. we have taken right decisions in our game.. but life has its own rules to go with.. and things change.. so i never think that whtever i have done or i am doin is right.. perfect.. nothin as such.. my role is just to play the part as i have been told.. rest is upto him.. if i have done things truly by heart..with pure love and honesty..then its mine.. or else it never was..

so these were too major events to unfold.. so one was the most happiest and one was kinda saddening.. but i am glad that.. whatever the happiness i got in those few days or i could say in those moments... was the best to remember in the years to come.. i am glad..

i am glad that this is my gift.., i am glad that i still have her in my life.. and more than these.. i am happy to feel that we will be bac on track in no time..

my fav line from LOTR by Gandalf :

" So does everyone wish. But all we have to do is to decide what we have to do with the time that is given to us"