sometimes in life its best to be alone... coz the kind of pleasure you get in that pain of being alone is much and far better then being with someone of what you think and desire to be with and would be longing for it. and yet.. when reality sinks in.. its a bad mundane world.
at this moment of my life.. i have never felt so good of being alone. especially after S.. left, its
been good.. never thought it would be gud at those moments tho.. where someone special in ur life.. whom u think you cant be without.. cant think of leading a life without their presence in our lifes..just disappears for their own good.. and then we are left alone. well thts the beauty of life..
All good things in life must come to an end. And, sometimes.. when you are very thirsty for that someone special to come along in ur life.. and yet for those experiences and the pains which haunt.. will never allow us to go in deep.. deep in to those hearts.. there r FEW people.. who understand our pain along the way.. they would pour all their heart and love to
just get bac us to our normal self.. would consider us as their world..but we dont still want that.. we dont need that.. coz deep in the hearts.. its for sure tht history has its own way of repeating itself.. only the characters it potrays are different..
so why get into the battlefield.. just to overcome the previous failure.. why anthr battle.. why one more life to be scrwed and get screwed..ts better to be on the shores of an island.. take a deep breath.. enjoy those moments.. just sit bac and do things which are far more important and close to our heart than doin things which we think its close but in reality its way too far beyond our reach..enjoy life as it comes.. just a company of good friends.. that would do a miracle.
when u r all alone. nothin can beat that. and nothin will.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
my new baby : Trinity
well.. it's 2 weeks for today of me getting behind the new wheels. I dont know, but its very hard for me to remember from when I was crazy abt cars. When I go deep down my memory lane, I can still remember those childhood days..where I used to pester my dad to buy tht toy car in those fancy stores when we used to come across during our walking sessions along with mom and sis.. and how much dad used to hate me for that..( and me intrun getting belted :(( ) Its pretty much fresh in my mind of this memory.. where I had once got this new tiny white car.. with some string behind it.. where u just pull it.. and vrooooommm it goes.. yup.. it came with a remote too.. but i screwed it up within a few days..and tht toy car lasted hardly for a week.. so then on dad stopped getting me any toys.
But the love for cars in me kept on growing.. always used to imagine how would I look if I was driving that model which just went past by me.. how it would be to drive that car along with my girl for a long drive during the college days( yup.. this imagination were from the movies and it was fullfilled at tht time my first baby: my bike)...and so on and on and on... the passion to own a car was more powerful than having my dream bike: enfield.
When I was a kid, dad had an super duper Ambassador.. and at those times. there were only three makes.. Ambassador, Fiat and then maruti 800.. and almost everyday I used to clean my car.. jump on the seats along with my doggie... and then dad had to sell due to the financial crunch.. and then few years bac.. after much pestering to him again.. he bought a second hand maruti 800.. i think that was those intial models of maruti. with a weird body.. but I was way too happy to have a car at that time.. and to my luck.. it stayed only for 3 days.. I heard dad saying that car was way too old and had lot of problems.. so he had to give it bac... and then we booked up an Fiat Uno.. which was a rage when it was launched.. and yet again .. i ran out of my luck.. due to some issues with Fiat guys..who gave some sob story abt the factory being locked for few months and we have to wait for atleast 6 months to get our hands on that car... so there we go again. dad pulled down the final curtain on that one. and that was the last by dad.
Me was planning to buy a car..initially a second hand.. where I can take my family out on a weekend.. but nothin did work out in the initial stages.. just kept on pushing it ..saying to myself.. not today.. will do in coming months.. so this few more months... took on almost 3 years.. but this time... the story was different.. I had to have a car.. mainly for my mom.. I didnt want to repeat the mistake when dad was around.. i didnt want to be too late.. even now .. its quite heavy on my wallet tho.. but atleast i am way too happy that I have my own car.. my own baby.. where I plant a kiss on the steering each night before i go to bed.. and every morning.. i run to take a glimpse of my baby the moment i get up.. that feeling itself is a complete satisfaction. which I had been waiting from such a long time.
Dont know why. But this name, I found it very powerful and very apt to my baby. And now I am gonna refer baby as " Trinity ".
But the love for cars in me kept on growing.. always used to imagine how would I look if I was driving that model which just went past by me.. how it would be to drive that car along with my girl for a long drive during the college days( yup.. this imagination were from the movies and it was fullfilled at tht time my first baby: my bike)...and so on and on and on... the passion to own a car was more powerful than having my dream bike: enfield.
When I was a kid, dad had an super duper Ambassador.. and at those times. there were only three makes.. Ambassador, Fiat and then maruti 800.. and almost everyday I used to clean my car.. jump on the seats along with my doggie... and then dad had to sell due to the financial crunch.. and then few years bac.. after much pestering to him again.. he bought a second hand maruti 800.. i think that was those intial models of maruti. with a weird body.. but I was way too happy to have a car at that time.. and to my luck.. it stayed only for 3 days.. I heard dad saying that car was way too old and had lot of problems.. so he had to give it bac... and then we booked up an Fiat Uno.. which was a rage when it was launched.. and yet again .. i ran out of my luck.. due to some issues with Fiat guys..who gave some sob story abt the factory being locked for few months and we have to wait for atleast 6 months to get our hands on that car... so there we go again. dad pulled down the final curtain on that one. and that was the last by dad.
Me was planning to buy a car..initially a second hand.. where I can take my family out on a weekend.. but nothin did work out in the initial stages.. just kept on pushing it ..saying to myself.. not today.. will do in coming months.. so this few more months... took on almost 3 years.. but this time... the story was different.. I had to have a car.. mainly for my mom.. I didnt want to repeat the mistake when dad was around.. i didnt want to be too late.. even now .. its quite heavy on my wallet tho.. but atleast i am way too happy that I have my own car.. my own baby.. where I plant a kiss on the steering each night before i go to bed.. and every morning.. i run to take a glimpse of my baby the moment i get up.. that feeling itself is a complete satisfaction. which I had been waiting from such a long time.
Dont know why. But this name, I found it very powerful and very apt to my baby. And now I am gonna refer baby as " Trinity ".
imagine
this is one of my fav song by Lennon. How I wish this song would do a miracle which is deep down hidden in itself. Sigh!! How I wish the world where we live in today were like these lines...
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
Monday, October 03, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Life is Beautiful!
life is beautiful.
Yes. and indeed it is. And I am not being sarcastic abt this line. I mean this line from the core of me. I dont know where do I start this time, coz its been quite a long time me writing and yes, there was a reason for me not write ( as if I write gr8, anyways), but usually I pen down my
thoughts which just flow out of me irrespective of the time and the place.
Exactly a month bac, the most unexpected and the most distraous event struck my family and most importantly ME...the person whom, within me loved, cared and respected so much, but never had the courage to tell to him the same, he choose to go to a better place. My dad left us and went to a place far away from this mundane world, and yes, I am happy for him, atleast now. Coz, for the past year and half, he has suffered so much, not just physical but emotionally that i dont think he would have sufferd so much in his entire life. And I hold myself responsilbe
to an extent for his journey of pain and emotional trauma to start and which inturn led him to his illness. And finally, the day when he left us, I had no imagination even in my wildest dreams that he would leave us. I wish that i showed him how much he meant to me. How much he is within me and how much i loved him. But, I am too late for that now. I am too late to say or show anything to him. I am just doin it everyday to his portrait on the wall. And, this is the only thing which I always wished to god not to happen. But eventually, god had his own
plans. If ever god asks me for a wish, i would say, take away everything what I have and just gimme one more day to spend with my dad and my family.
MISS YOU DAD. WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH ME.WITH US.LOVE U LOTS AND WILL DO. YOU ARE MY GUIDE AND MY INSPIRATION. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR HURTNG
YOU AND TREATING YOU BAD. YOU MEAN TO ME A LOT.
And today was last day for viddu in office. Yes she moved out of the company for a better future. and I am very happy for her. Though I am gonna miss her crazily. Swts and vids are the only two whom I found what friendhsip was. I still remember the first day in my office, when I was completely broken in life, personally messed up with my relationships and they both came in to my life. I dont know how do I define that moment or that phase as, but they were the best thing to happen and the ppl associated with me, which consists of Krsh (my mentor, my guide and the best man I ever had in my life and glad to be working with him) Kiran ( whos been thru thick and thin of my life since my school days), Viru ( who stood next to me in the most terrible times), Jen ( i have no words to define her, shes the most beautiful person i have ever come across), Arun Sriram ( I just love him for the man he is ) and there's a lot more like Jura,
Preethi, Manju and Shashi. And I am truly thnakful to god for making me to be part of these people's lives. I couldnt ask for more.
And yes, life is indeed beautiful. No matter what happens in our lives, the beauty of life is it goes on.. and it takes us along with us.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I wish...
the three things, i wish could have..
1. the power to become invisible ( oh boy!!)
2. the power to read ppl's mind
3. the power to stop time.
1. the power to become invisible ( oh boy!!)
2. the power to read ppl's mind
3. the power to stop time.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Nature Vs Nature
well, firstly I am blogging after quite a long time. Lots of things happening arnd and lots more to do. Just was lost a little bit in this trasisition. Per se.. stilly finding out my ways to get thru the ways which is lying ahead of me.
Well let this be apart for the moment. There's lot more happening like mumbai rains and gurgaon fights. And what really made me think was who is more powerful. Is wrath of mother nature the most powerful or the nature of a human, which could if needed could destroy nations and millions of ppl with just a push of a button and nuke goes and falls on the specific target consuming lots more life, than the recent tsunami did.
This thougt stuck me in the morning. and i am still havent found any answer to this. But somewhere I do feel, the human nature is much worse than our own mother nature who is generous and kind, despite after diggin her deep, blowing holes in her heart in the name of nuke experiments and god knws what not we do to her. But still, she keeps smiling, every morning gives a ray of hope for our lives, provides fresh air to breathe and takes care of survival.( pardon me, if i am entering a bit too deep).. but on the other hand.. its the human nature, which i feel is much more dangerous and cruel compared to any wrath by the nature in the history.
wherein, mother nature strikes bac when she cant handle things when it goes beyond her limits, which is in-turn done by the mankind to her and but the loss is comparatively less with the distasters evoked by a human in our history.
I think I got the answer.
Will we humans, ever realise this???
If we do, what we do, to do what has to be done?
Well let this be apart for the moment. There's lot more happening like mumbai rains and gurgaon fights. And what really made me think was who is more powerful. Is wrath of mother nature the most powerful or the nature of a human, which could if needed could destroy nations and millions of ppl with just a push of a button and nuke goes and falls on the specific target consuming lots more life, than the recent tsunami did.
This thougt stuck me in the morning. and i am still havent found any answer to this. But somewhere I do feel, the human nature is much worse than our own mother nature who is generous and kind, despite after diggin her deep, blowing holes in her heart in the name of nuke experiments and god knws what not we do to her. But still, she keeps smiling, every morning gives a ray of hope for our lives, provides fresh air to breathe and takes care of survival.( pardon me, if i am entering a bit too deep).. but on the other hand.. its the human nature, which i feel is much more dangerous and cruel compared to any wrath by the nature in the history.
wherein, mother nature strikes bac when she cant handle things when it goes beyond her limits, which is in-turn done by the mankind to her and but the loss is comparatively less with the distasters evoked by a human in our history.
I think I got the answer.
Will we humans, ever realise this???
If we do, what we do, to do what has to be done?
Spirit of Humanity
Picked up from one of the blogs which i go thru often. Worth a read!!
Take a dip!
http://india-seminar.com/2005/551/551%20essay.htm
Take a dip!
http://india-seminar.com/2005/551/551%20essay.htm
Monday, July 04, 2005
and life goes on...
everyday morning i wake up... with the thought that what i am doin .. where i am heading.. and most of all who am i?
these questions haunt me everyday..
and, I am yet to find the answer.
This is not Me.
This is not myself. I wasnt like this before.
Something's wrong.
and yet life goes on....
these questions haunt me everyday..
and, I am yet to find the answer.
This is not Me.
This is not myself. I wasnt like this before.
Something's wrong.
and yet life goes on....
Thursday, June 16, 2005
coming bac to life
i couldnt stop tripping on this song.. seems very apt at this moment of my life:
Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun
courtesy: pink floyd
Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun
courtesy: pink floyd
Monday, June 13, 2005
Close Encounter of the Third Kind
Date: 12 june, 05
Place: Shanti Sagar, B'warnagar
Time: arnd 8'ish ( not sure tho..)
a small girl, aged arnd 8 approaches me near the parking lot, where I am pulling out the bike.. this sweet girl looks at me.. smiles. and...
she: saar, saar, plz buy this cloth sir ( she has this yellow cloth which is used for polishing and cleaning vehicles).
Me: I dont need it. Plz go away ( me.. not even looking at her, unlocking my bike)
She: plz saar, its just 15rs for a pair. plzzz saar. buy it off.
Me: I told you i dont need it. Now shoo away.
She: plz saar, if you buy it.. then only I will be able to buy food. I am very hungry saar. Plz saar. Momma hasnt given me money to have fud.. and I am starving from morning.
Me: Well.. how much is it u said. But then, I dont need it, i have quite a lot of those.
She: From morning I have been not able to have anything saar.. just 15rs saar.. thats it.. ( the look in her eyes.. the look of hope.. the hope of hoping me that i will buy that cloth for 15bucks and with that amount.. she can satisfy her stomach.. the look which really melted me... )
Me: ( I am just staring at her cute innocent face.. dont know whom to curse.. her parents... for no mistake of her's, she is selling a cloth at tht time.. on a sunday night.. wherein we will be in our own world boozing away to glory and loitering our had earned money for that momentary pleasure.. and here.. this small girl.. for no sin of her's is selling a cloth for 15rs at night, to curse her fate.. or her parents.. dont know waht to do) Hmmm ok.. give me those.
She: Thank you very much saar.. you are so good.. thanks again saar ( the smile.. i would say.. not even julia roberts million dollar smile could match her's at tht moment.. the smile.. man...that smile..)
Me: Just kept on looking at her.. she gave the cloth and just went away... as if.. she has won the world.. she is on top of it.. for what.. just one meal... just kept on looking at her till she vanished away from my sight... i am still trying to find that happy soul... trying to figure out which way did she took.. did she stop in middle to sell again.. no.. she didnt.. she's just walking happily... with that smile on her face.. i am jealous of that..coz i havent been to be smile to glory like her for ages now.
Me: just holding the cloth in my hands and looking up the skies. SIGH!!!
Place: Shanti Sagar, B'warnagar
Time: arnd 8'ish ( not sure tho..)
a small girl, aged arnd 8 approaches me near the parking lot, where I am pulling out the bike.. this sweet girl looks at me.. smiles. and...
she: saar, saar, plz buy this cloth sir ( she has this yellow cloth which is used for polishing and cleaning vehicles).
Me: I dont need it. Plz go away ( me.. not even looking at her, unlocking my bike)
She: plz saar, its just 15rs for a pair. plzzz saar. buy it off.
Me: I told you i dont need it. Now shoo away.
She: plz saar, if you buy it.. then only I will be able to buy food. I am very hungry saar. Plz saar. Momma hasnt given me money to have fud.. and I am starving from morning.
Me: Well.. how much is it u said. But then, I dont need it, i have quite a lot of those.
She: From morning I have been not able to have anything saar.. just 15rs saar.. thats it.. ( the look in her eyes.. the look of hope.. the hope of hoping me that i will buy that cloth for 15bucks and with that amount.. she can satisfy her stomach.. the look which really melted me... )
Me: ( I am just staring at her cute innocent face.. dont know whom to curse.. her parents... for no mistake of her's, she is selling a cloth at tht time.. on a sunday night.. wherein we will be in our own world boozing away to glory and loitering our had earned money for that momentary pleasure.. and here.. this small girl.. for no sin of her's is selling a cloth for 15rs at night, to curse her fate.. or her parents.. dont know waht to do) Hmmm ok.. give me those.
She: Thank you very much saar.. you are so good.. thanks again saar ( the smile.. i would say.. not even julia roberts million dollar smile could match her's at tht moment.. the smile.. man...that smile..)
Me: Just kept on looking at her.. she gave the cloth and just went away... as if.. she has won the world.. she is on top of it.. for what.. just one meal... just kept on looking at her till she vanished away from my sight... i am still trying to find that happy soul... trying to figure out which way did she took.. did she stop in middle to sell again.. no.. she didnt.. she's just walking happily... with that smile on her face.. i am jealous of that..coz i havent been to be smile to glory like her for ages now.
Me: just holding the cloth in my hands and looking up the skies. SIGH!!!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Everything's Not Lost
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down'
Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
Courtesy: ColdPlay
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down'
Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons,
yeahHoping everything's not lost
Courtesy: ColdPlay
Sunday, May 22, 2005
LSBT
LSBT!!!
hmm... what does 'lsbt' mean afterall.. well in the current scene of my life this acronym looks
to be more apt than anything else.. and guess what i could have never imagined even in my
wildest thoughts that my life would take an such a drastic turn and the best part is wether u
like it or not.. life keeps goin on and so shall we....
finally i got the chance to take out the plaster whathad been my left feet for exactly a month. and exactly in these 30 days things changed so drastically.
end of chapter one
first week of the plaster.. i decided to quit my job due to various reasons and a way lot
more uncomforness in the same.. realised that the move what i had made regarding this job was
quite bad. in the 5 years of my career.. i had always been very careful and choosy in the
comapnies i get into... but this time.. i just wonder what took over me to say yes for this and
why had to go thru so much.. i think my mind has an clear cut answer.. i just blindly opted
for this .. coz of the brand..the name.. and not what it does... as the saying goes always in my
mind.. grass is always greener on the other side... and it turned out to be true.. very true
in this scenario... well.. all said and done.. there were good times.. there were bad times
too.. but more than all these what i couldnt get or find there was the satisfaction which is
more important to me than the paypack or the brand. there used to be an empty space right from the day one.. so i myself pulled the plug.
end of chapter two
second week.. sri prooved herself again.. this time for sure.. and hope for her and her
family's better future... jeni used to always tell me this.. u know what.. its quite easy to
understand life.. but not the humans.. coz they r the most complex designed creatures ever
made by god.. and well its so true.. least of all.. i hadnt expected this frm this woman of my
life whom i thought will be my life. here too.. said and done... the chapter was closed for
ever. sometimes.. in life.. things are more than they appear and i could never ever believe
that looks can be so deceptive untill this incident. this one major turmoil changed my
perspective towards life completely and i could never ever forgive myself for this mistake
what i have done. i just simply cant. probably it seems to me that i am the culprit .. coz no
one can make us unhappy untill and unless we let them to do so.. and i dont blame her.. she
was wht she was and i blindly took things for granted in the initial stages.
begining of a new chapter
third week.. got an offer from one of my freelance clients to visit his place in porlock and
start a new venture. which was really quite interesting and exciting to me.. but yet again..
as usual.. wasnt much sure of things.. coz just after the last weeks incident.. i have
realised the importance of my folks and friends.. and this time i need to be here to build the
things what i have brought down.. broken down.. so time for me to priortise what i need. waiting for some more time and may be down the line will surely fly. who knows what store
in the future.
a chapter reopened
fourth week.. decided to join bac ascendum.. the place where i found the true meaning of life
and friendship.. and i am really glad and feeling really excited all over again to get bac and
be part of it.
so.. these incidents.. and i could say a lot more still happening.. but might take a lot more time for me to jot down here.. and well i am running out of time.. gotta catch up some work.. well..
adios then..
and if u wondered whats LSBT is. Its " Life Sucks Big Time " (courtesy: swats)
Thursday, May 12, 2005
papers
finally after much deliberation and lot of mental trauma I put down my papers at ibm. and today i felt glad abt what i did.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Tadap Tadap
Tadap Tadap ke is dil se ahan nikilthi rahi
mujhko sazaa di pyaar ki
aisa kya guna kya
to lut gaye.. ah lut gayee..
han lut gayee hum teri mohabbat mein...
thank you sri
mujhko sazaa di pyaar ki
aisa kya guna kya
to lut gaye.. ah lut gayee..
han lut gayee hum teri mohabbat mein...
thank you sri
Friday, April 29, 2005
phone booth!!!
today i am really surprised by my own behaviour.. i am really acting weird... thinking weird... i know i am quite imaginative.. but today was quite a lot and wasnt hungry too... and the best not able to sleep... and the credits to sri.. today is the day i will surely remember for quite a lot of things.. coz firstly i never ever missed anyone so badly in my entire life.. just gone crazy.. and secondly.. i am missing my dear lady... its arnd 1.30 in the night.. i am not able to sleep... me on the bed.. closng my eyes.. still no sleep.. surprised.. so switched on the sys to work.. best.. no interest to do that too.. hmm.. next what.. ok.. looked thru all her msgs and the snaps.. darn.. missing levels just hit the sky.. ok.. feeling to talk to her now.. what next.. voila.. my cell outgoin is barred... but...need to hear her... hmm.. thinking to call from my landline... but just cant ( and dont ask me why.. i just cant).. so i do the duty of a watchman within my home walking frm one cornor to the other thinking what do i do now.. my mind suggests to just shut my ass and go to bed.. so that i get up early and make a call.. my heart says.. lets go out.. will find an local booth ..will make a call.. and me can sleep happily.. hmm.. the fight goes on within for few mins.. then no doubt.. me watchin too many romantic movies had an tremendous impact on my thought making process.. and finally i started the bike to make a call.. at night 1.30.. i just dont knw why i am doin this.. cant figure out why...but just doin it..
the best part was... i wanted was to just make a call and speak to her for 120 seconds.. which would have made significant contribution for my sleep.. but i was really shocked to see tht there wasn't even a single local booth to make a call.. atleast within 10km radius of my home.. i am really taken by surprise.. all i see is an atm for every half-a-km.. darn.. whers the f***ing booth.. i just need a telephone instrument which has an std facility.. wherein i dial the number.. it gets connected.. i say hi.. she says hi.. a little conversation.. thats it.. thats all i wanted.. it seemd so simple at that moment.. but seemd yet so impossible.. at tht moment is when i realised the value of what we have and how we shld treasure it or rather use it wisely.. i mean from all aspects of life. if i had my outgoin not barred.. it would have been so easy..or if i was in good terms with my parents.. i would have made a call frm my home itself....damn... but still in this era of technological revolutons and yap yap's.. i could not make a call... such a pity.. i dont know to curse myself for being in such a state.. or curse the authorities or the ppl where nobody thought of having one local booth which works 24 hrs... just one phone booth is all i wanted.
but one thing which struck me for sure is.. why cant we have a little phone facility in those atm's which works 24/7... it can be like those pre-paid card systems.. or whatever the best means to make a call at anytime or anywhere... why cant we hav this facility... is there a possibility.. the incident what hapnd to me might not be much of an importance.. but there might be situation to anyone.. where it might be incidents like cellphones r dead...or you have been stranded in the middle of the night with the vehicle's tyre flat.. there could be lot more scenarios like these.. but when we have internet parlours and atm's round the clock.. why cant we have a very basic facility of making one call.. can anyone help this to be possible? do lemme know
the best part was... i wanted was to just make a call and speak to her for 120 seconds.. which would have made significant contribution for my sleep.. but i was really shocked to see tht there wasn't even a single local booth to make a call.. atleast within 10km radius of my home.. i am really taken by surprise.. all i see is an atm for every half-a-km.. darn.. whers the f***ing booth.. i just need a telephone instrument which has an std facility.. wherein i dial the number.. it gets connected.. i say hi.. she says hi.. a little conversation.. thats it.. thats all i wanted.. it seemd so simple at that moment.. but seemd yet so impossible.. at tht moment is when i realised the value of what we have and how we shld treasure it or rather use it wisely.. i mean from all aspects of life. if i had my outgoin not barred.. it would have been so easy..or if i was in good terms with my parents.. i would have made a call frm my home itself....damn... but still in this era of technological revolutons and yap yap's.. i could not make a call... such a pity.. i dont know to curse myself for being in such a state.. or curse the authorities or the ppl where nobody thought of having one local booth which works 24 hrs... just one phone booth is all i wanted.
but one thing which struck me for sure is.. why cant we have a little phone facility in those atm's which works 24/7... it can be like those pre-paid card systems.. or whatever the best means to make a call at anytime or anywhere... why cant we hav this facility... is there a possibility.. the incident what hapnd to me might not be much of an importance.. but there might be situation to anyone.. where it might be incidents like cellphones r dead...or you have been stranded in the middle of the night with the vehicle's tyre flat.. there could be lot more scenarios like these.. but when we have internet parlours and atm's round the clock.. why cant we have a very basic facility of making one call.. can anyone help this to be possible? do lemme know
Statuatory Warning!!! Smoking is injurious to health...
everything has its own timeframe....
so thought time to put an end to smoking... needless to say... this time for sure.. :)
so thought time to put an end to smoking... needless to say... this time for sure.. :)
this is me
thanks krish.. for the post on ur blog.. just dug up quizilla and these were the results...hmm.. quite interesting..
Which Season i belong to?
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ... You're warm, and the most approachable. You have that gentle prescence about you. People can relate to you, and find you easy company. However it's likely you've been hurt in the past and it has left you scarred so things can become rather chilly with you at times. Being the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy and loyal to your friends but prone to depression and negative thinking. Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)
what gem are you?
You are most like An Emerald ! Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the person people turn to with a problem. You worry about everybody, and genuinely want to help - a little too much sometimes. As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to the other gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those who take the time to get to know you. Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem everybody needs as a friend.
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're an Angel! Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did you always behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the hell outta people with your attitude, but no doubt your church is real happy with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the negative, after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do charity work. Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You just make the rest of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra cookie or something. However - congratulations on being the most pure, of the entire human race.
Which Mythical Creature Are You ??
You're like a Mermaid!
Which Season i belong to?
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ... You're warm, and the most approachable. You have that gentle prescence about you. People can relate to you, and find you easy company. However it's likely you've been hurt in the past and it has left you scarred so things can become rather chilly with you at times. Being the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy and loyal to your friends but prone to depression and negative thinking. Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)
what gem are you?
You are most like An Emerald ! Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the person people turn to with a problem. You worry about everybody, and genuinely want to help - a little too much sometimes. As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to the other gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those who take the time to get to know you. Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem everybody needs as a friend.
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're an Angel! Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did you always behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the hell outta people with your attitude, but no doubt your church is real happy with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the negative, after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do charity work. Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You just make the rest of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra cookie or something. However - congratulations on being the most pure, of the entire human race.
Which Mythical Creature Are You ??
You're like a Mermaid!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
shape of things
how things shape up in life... amazing isnt it? last week when i got my leg twised in goa.. little did i realise that it might turn into an airline fracture..which would lead upto a month of having a thick plaster on my feet and not much to run around and just bed rest ( er.. dont know abt my job...)
it happened just within a fraction of seconds.. and now to cure the same it would take up a month... just cant believe it... i guess this is how life's design is. but one thing which i learned from this whole episode was...always take care of what you have with and within you. Never ever ignore or turn a blind eye on your life. Coz the tendency with us is.. we always worry abt making more money... looking for a better job.. entertainment.. people and lots more and defnetly we ignore completely on our health. till we get hurt or we end up in bed.. we will never ever realise the value of this precious health and we will be just running behind the immaterialastic momentary saddistic pleasures at the cost of our health. From now on I have made up my mind that health is my first priority when it comes to me and then all the other wordly pleasures. I am more cautious on having outside food, or even chats and the best - cigis... automaticaly i have cut down on my cigi's from a pack to max 4 per day.
truly.. health is wealth...
it happened just within a fraction of seconds.. and now to cure the same it would take up a month... just cant believe it... i guess this is how life's design is. but one thing which i learned from this whole episode was...always take care of what you have with and within you. Never ever ignore or turn a blind eye on your life. Coz the tendency with us is.. we always worry abt making more money... looking for a better job.. entertainment.. people and lots more and defnetly we ignore completely on our health. till we get hurt or we end up in bed.. we will never ever realise the value of this precious health and we will be just running behind the immaterialastic momentary saddistic pleasures at the cost of our health. From now on I have made up my mind that health is my first priority when it comes to me and then all the other wordly pleasures. I am more cautious on having outside food, or even chats and the best - cigis... automaticaly i have cut down on my cigi's from a pack to max 4 per day.
truly.. health is wealth...
Saturday, April 16, 2005
good things come in small packets...
aint this a coincidence.. been to goa for just 4 days.. and still i am wondering how did it just vanish off..i just cant believe tht i am in my home.. in front my sys.. but still my mind wandering in the sea shore... my feet rushing towards the sea to feel that water... those blue skies... and the gang... nothin could beat that..but it was an awesome trip.. the most memorable trip of my life... wish we had stayed there for some more time...
miss u goa!!!
miss u goa!!!
Friday, April 01, 2005
let the good times roll!!!
good to see ppl starting off the blogging spirit again.. after a long time a very good pal of mine hung bac into the pavillion.. i never met anyone like her b4..such a amazing and down to earth person.. and today one more to the list.. thats good.. anyways.. things r looking good on my side.. hope it do really works out good... lots of plans.. and loads happenign in life right now.. chaotic work life... not been able to spend time with my close pals or my family...and next week goin to goa... quite excited abt it..
well .. let the good times roll baby!!!
well .. let the good times roll baby!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Aint no Sunshine
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gonna stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away
And I know, I know...
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away. - courtesy Bill Withers
missing u sri..wish you were here :((
Thursday, March 17, 2005
knock knock.. ram..fuckkin wake up
I cant fuckkin figure out what the heck is happening in life... everyday i am so busy.. that cant find time to even listen usic or have a good peaceful proper meal and one good sleep...is that what i wanted in my life.. or do i have choice.. i think i do.. but dont have the guts to pull the plug... sri has dropped a nuke on me now.. i am all complete fuckked up lonely guy on this planet.. and yet i will never ask " why me".. i do know its all for a reason.. what freakin reason.. i have no clue.. just living the day as it comes.before its too late lemme enjoy whats left with and most importantly within me...
Life Sucks big time or is it the other way
Life Sucks big time or is it the other way
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
BLACK
in midst of blues and fears.. i completely forgot abt the 'BLACK'. Yup, the movie.. after a loooooong time.. a real good stuff from the bolly box.. a must watch...no more words to describe this masterpiece.. yup.. loved it to the core and started valuing more this gift called life.. i hope u guys do.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
The Power of Fear
when i woke up in the morning.. i felt myself heavy.. a ton weight over my head.. i could feel something's wrong with my health today.. i touched my forehead then realised that i am having fever.. not the heavy one tho.. but felt like i just need to catch some sleep... gulp some tabs and just forget the world and lie on bed.. but the thought was shattered when it stuck to me that i need to be in office.. and on top of which i have a imp meet at 11.. which i defnetly cant miss out... and me staying at home was just shot down... i would rather say.. it was the fear for me that if i dont go to off.. i might end up getting a bad label or even worse.. i might loose the job coz i am just few weeks old there.. and i cant afford to loose out on these... so no matter what i have to be in off.. so this fear actually drove me out of the bed... and i wasnt in normal speed in getting ready.. coz it was too tough for me and took my own sweet time and finally moved myself out of the home..
well.. my point here is.. how much we r afraid of things in life.. how much we r afraid of our very own life.. i think no matter how matter how strong or how best our attitude is.. but still fear is the ultimate one which rules us.. if i dont like something at off.. the fear of getting scolded over for tht.. if u have a suggestion or idea.. u still fear for the sheer embarassment if tht gets shot down in front of all..i guess we can end uphaving a huge list of fearful stuffs... yup ppl have different tastes.. diff way of living... but still for one thing or the other we do fear...
i dont know how correct i am here.. but i am very much sure that fear is one which rules us without our knowledge.
well.. my point here is.. how much we r afraid of things in life.. how much we r afraid of our very own life.. i think no matter how matter how strong or how best our attitude is.. but still fear is the ultimate one which rules us.. if i dont like something at off.. the fear of getting scolded over for tht.. if u have a suggestion or idea.. u still fear for the sheer embarassment if tht gets shot down in front of all..i guess we can end uphaving a huge list of fearful stuffs... yup ppl have different tastes.. diff way of living... but still for one thing or the other we do fear...
i dont know how correct i am here.. but i am very much sure that fear is one which rules us without our knowledge.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Monday Blue's
today i am quite low.. i kinda feel that i am just an total fukd up guy.. and i wonder.,. i wonder how things r goin.. where do i stand.. and most imporantly what do i do now.. i dont know.. i have this weird feeling in me saying again and again that i am a looser.. i try to turn that feeling down.. and step over it and say .. no this is momentary.. its all in the part of the game.. but after a while the same feeling of a looser strikes me like a jolt.. and i sulk. so much that i can feel the core of the earth like..( Grrrrrrr)..
sri has finalised on goin abroad.. nothing seems to stop her.. and the least i can do is.. supress my feelings for her.. and encourage her to do what the best she needs in her life.. rather thn just buggin her how much care and love for her.. and for tht she needs to stay with me.. felt like i am a stupid... and on top of tht had a fight at my home while just before leavin to office.. man.. what a way to start a monday morning.. and now i understand the real meanign of "Monday Blues".. and add to these... now having some error with my s/w here..
well.. i guess this is how the life works.. this is how things r suppose to work.. but the question is how am i suppose to deal with it.. do i just sitback and wait for things to roll out themselves.. or do i take some action on these.. i rather choose the first one.. coz the second one seems to give no output as desired...then i feel again.. am i not suppose to face these problems head on with it and solve these issues surrounding me.. its my life.. and i have the right to do.. but right now.. i am just trumbling down the rabbit hole.. no clue how deep is the rabbit hole..just sulking deeper and deeper in these thoughts...
"jab soch zyada ho jaatha hai.. tho faisla kamzor pad jaatha hai"
sri has finalised on goin abroad.. nothing seems to stop her.. and the least i can do is.. supress my feelings for her.. and encourage her to do what the best she needs in her life.. rather thn just buggin her how much care and love for her.. and for tht she needs to stay with me.. felt like i am a stupid... and on top of tht had a fight at my home while just before leavin to office.. man.. what a way to start a monday morning.. and now i understand the real meanign of "Monday Blues".. and add to these... now having some error with my s/w here..
well.. i guess this is how the life works.. this is how things r suppose to work.. but the question is how am i suppose to deal with it.. do i just sitback and wait for things to roll out themselves.. or do i take some action on these.. i rather choose the first one.. coz the second one seems to give no output as desired...then i feel again.. am i not suppose to face these problems head on with it and solve these issues surrounding me.. its my life.. and i have the right to do.. but right now.. i am just trumbling down the rabbit hole.. no clue how deep is the rabbit hole..just sulking deeper and deeper in these thoughts...
"jab soch zyada ho jaatha hai.. tho faisla kamzor pad jaatha hai"
Monday, February 14, 2005
The Return of the King
Naaah... not me.. i am talking abt LOTR final part in the trilogy.
Anyway, after a loooooooooooooooong time i am bac here. Feels good, at the same time feels a bit sad that wasnt able to be regular out here. I love to share and write out my feelings out here.. but sadly was too much happy or too much sad that didnt feel to do anything.. and I guess its our nature.. when we r very happy or very low we never feel to do things.. we just wish things to just keep happening on their own despite the outcome. So, me was also in the similar situation.. I could say a lot more.. sri came down here to see me.. the most happiest time of my life i could say... felt that I am in a fantasy world where the sky is clear.. birds chirping.. midst of nature.. huge mountains.. we both like a tiny ants in the palm of mother nature...the cool breeze... the warmth of sri's hug.. in one word.. my dream land.. but as the saying goes... all good things must come to an end..so did this short trip to my dream land too came to a halt..and i hope its for a little while..all I can do is.. just wish to god that things fall bac on track.. my folks understand and bless us.. and a lot more.. where at the end i can see both my loved one's happy...
anyway... thats gonna take some time.. and things defently need their own sweet time to get sorted out.. and i am not angry or upset.. coz for sure i know that this is life.. and this is how it is suppose to be .. and is this how i am suppose to deal with it.. or may be better than what i am doin now.. all i am doin is givin the best shot i can.. rest is upto the lord..
then this is one of the major events to unfold during jan.. and apart from these.. a major turn in my career too.. in the begining wasnt much sure of to go ahead.. but then realised life is full of rosks.. in life.. biggest risk is of not taking any risk at all.. so thought to go ahead with this and only time can proove wether i hav taken the right step towards my goal.. coz i am saying this out of exp.. coz it so happens that we think we r done right.. or for that matter.. we have taken right decisions in our game.. but life has its own rules to go with.. and things change.. so i never think that whtever i have done or i am doin is right.. perfect.. nothin as such.. my role is just to play the part as i have been told.. rest is upto him.. if i have done things truly by heart..with pure love and honesty..then its mine.. or else it never was..
so these were too major events to unfold.. so one was the most happiest and one was kinda saddening.. but i am glad that.. whatever the happiness i got in those few days or i could say in those moments... was the best to remember in the years to come.. i am glad..
i am glad that this is my gift.., i am glad that i still have her in my life.. and more than these.. i am happy to feel that we will be bac on track in no time..
my fav line from LOTR by Gandalf :
" So does everyone wish. But all we have to do is to decide what we have to do with the time that is given to us"
Anyway, after a loooooooooooooooong time i am bac here. Feels good, at the same time feels a bit sad that wasnt able to be regular out here. I love to share and write out my feelings out here.. but sadly was too much happy or too much sad that didnt feel to do anything.. and I guess its our nature.. when we r very happy or very low we never feel to do things.. we just wish things to just keep happening on their own despite the outcome. So, me was also in the similar situation.. I could say a lot more.. sri came down here to see me.. the most happiest time of my life i could say... felt that I am in a fantasy world where the sky is clear.. birds chirping.. midst of nature.. huge mountains.. we both like a tiny ants in the palm of mother nature...the cool breeze... the warmth of sri's hug.. in one word.. my dream land.. but as the saying goes... all good things must come to an end..so did this short trip to my dream land too came to a halt..and i hope its for a little while..all I can do is.. just wish to god that things fall bac on track.. my folks understand and bless us.. and a lot more.. where at the end i can see both my loved one's happy...
anyway... thats gonna take some time.. and things defently need their own sweet time to get sorted out.. and i am not angry or upset.. coz for sure i know that this is life.. and this is how it is suppose to be .. and is this how i am suppose to deal with it.. or may be better than what i am doin now.. all i am doin is givin the best shot i can.. rest is upto the lord..
then this is one of the major events to unfold during jan.. and apart from these.. a major turn in my career too.. in the begining wasnt much sure of to go ahead.. but then realised life is full of rosks.. in life.. biggest risk is of not taking any risk at all.. so thought to go ahead with this and only time can proove wether i hav taken the right step towards my goal.. coz i am saying this out of exp.. coz it so happens that we think we r done right.. or for that matter.. we have taken right decisions in our game.. but life has its own rules to go with.. and things change.. so i never think that whtever i have done or i am doin is right.. perfect.. nothin as such.. my role is just to play the part as i have been told.. rest is upto him.. if i have done things truly by heart..with pure love and honesty..then its mine.. or else it never was..
so these were too major events to unfold.. so one was the most happiest and one was kinda saddening.. but i am glad that.. whatever the happiness i got in those few days or i could say in those moments... was the best to remember in the years to come.. i am glad..
i am glad that this is my gift.., i am glad that i still have her in my life.. and more than these.. i am happy to feel that we will be bac on track in no time..
my fav line from LOTR by Gandalf :
" So does everyone wish. But all we have to do is to decide what we have to do with the time that is given to us"
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
You and I...
You and I...
In this beautiful world..
Green lands and blue skies..
in this beautiful world..
I cant stop humming this song most of the times.. coz feeling good and better now... new year started out with a bang.. partying.. meeting new people.. shopping. Quite good tho which i didnt expect it to be like..and the best part is i conveyed my thoughts.. my feelings.. what i want.. where do i stand and wht kinda commitments i can give to sri.. its great feeling that she has changed.. was able to feel it in her voice.. good for her tho.. so i am not goin for things rightaway.. coz the situations doesnt allow me to.. sametime i am not completely game for it.. who knows things might just change..but it feels good that theres someone, of which the thoughts of them creates a small +ve curve on ur face..someone special..
all i can do is.. just sit back.. relax and enjoy the life as it comes.. no commitements.. no hassles.. just like a free bird for few more years.. then anyhow.. i gotta get on to the wagon after sometime which i cant avoid..
adios...
In this beautiful world..
Green lands and blue skies..
in this beautiful world..
I cant stop humming this song most of the times.. coz feeling good and better now... new year started out with a bang.. partying.. meeting new people.. shopping. Quite good tho which i didnt expect it to be like..and the best part is i conveyed my thoughts.. my feelings.. what i want.. where do i stand and wht kinda commitments i can give to sri.. its great feeling that she has changed.. was able to feel it in her voice.. good for her tho.. so i am not goin for things rightaway.. coz the situations doesnt allow me to.. sametime i am not completely game for it.. who knows things might just change..but it feels good that theres someone, of which the thoughts of them creates a small +ve curve on ur face..someone special..
all i can do is.. just sit back.. relax and enjoy the life as it comes.. no commitements.. no hassles.. just like a free bird for few more years.. then anyhow.. i gotta get on to the wagon after sometime which i cant avoid..
adios...
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